Vikki the Vet Attends to Andre the Alligator
Robert owns Andre the Alligator.
Robert owns Andre the Alligator in the sense that Andre the Alligator is his pet.
A most unusual pet but his pet none-the-less.
Robert’s property backs onto the bank of the Red River.
So Robert resides beside the Red River.
Andre the Alligator lives in the Red River.
So the Red River is Andre’s abode.
One day Robert noticed that Andre wasn’t feeling well, so Robert called his friend Vikki the Vet for advice.
Vikki the Vet, who lives in Virginia, happened to be heading to a conference in Arkansas.
Vikki the Vet told her friend Robert, the alligator owner, that she would hurry over before her conference began.
“Red Rover! Red Rover! I’ll come right over!” Vikki the Vet exclaimed with enthusiasm.
After she checked into her hotel, Vikki the Vet drove her rental car out to the reservoir near Robert’s residence.
Then she rented an airboat and drove down the river to Robert’s ranch house.
Vikki the Vet greeted her long-lost friend.
And Robert, her long-lost friend, reciprocated in kind.
“So, what appears to be the problem with your alligator Andre?” asked Vikki the Vet.
“Well … One. His gums are super swollen.
Two. He isn’t eating with his regular enthusiasm.
And three. He’s been surlier than his usual self.
Put that all together, and I think Andre the Alligator has an abscessed tooth,” answered Robert.
“I see. I see,” said Vikki the Vet.
“Before we begin, I should tell you that alligators do not get abscessed teeth.
An abscessed tooth is the result of an infected tooth and alligators do not get infected teeth.”
“How is that?” Robert said reflectively.
“Alligators have exceptional immune systems so they rarely get infections of any kind.
They especially do not get infections in their teeth.
And that is because alligators regularly regrow new teeth.
We can replace each of our teeth only once but an alligator can do it dozens of times.”
“Isn’t that interesting,” Robert remarked.
“But if his gums are seriously swollen it’d suggest something is wrong.”
“I think we should check his mouth out,” continued Vikki the Vet.
“And how do we do that?” Robert returned.
“We’re going to anesthetize Andre the Alligator,” answered Vikki the Vet.
“We’re going to put him to sleep?” Robert reacted.
“It’ll be much safer for us
if we put him to sleep
and let him count sheep.”
“When you’re right, you’re right!” Robert replied.
While waiting for the effect of the anesthetic to affect Andre, Vikki the Vet and Red River Robert had a conversation …
“You’ve got yourself a good looking alligator,” Vikki the Vet said to Robert.
“He’s an appealing alligator,” Robert agreed.
“Did you know that there are only two different types of alligators,” Red River Robert continued.
“There are American alligators, and there are Chinese alligators.”
“Not to be confused with Nile crocodiles,” Vikki the Vet said with a smile.
“American alligators are endemic to America, and Chinese alligators are endemic to China,” Robert continued.
This means that American alligators can only be found in the U.S.A.
And Chinese alligators can only be found in China.
“Almost all the existing alligators are American alligators.
The Chinese alligators are critically endangered.
They’re nearly extinct,” Robert said seriously.
“It is a sad state of affairs,” Vikki the Vet said sincerely.
After an appropriate amount of time Vikki the Vet and Red River Robert began their examination of Andre the Alligator …
“Andre the Alligator has a wodge of walnut wedged in his gums!” said a surprised Vikki the Vet.
“What’s a wodge?” Robert queried.
“A wodge is a huge hunk,” Vikki the Vet answered.
“Wow! I wonder where he found a walnut,” Robert responded rhetorically.
“It’s seriously stuck,” said Vikki the Vet.
“So, how do we get the walnut out?” Robert continued with another question.
“If Andre were a person I would use forceps to get a good grip, but for Andre the Alligator I think we’ll need something more significant.
For Andre the Alligator I think we should use a pair of all-purpose pliers.”
Now you know:
Forceps is a fancy name for pliers.
And pliers is a funny name for forceps.
After ensuring that Andre the Alligator was still deep asleep Vikki the Vet proceeded to pull out the piece of walnut.
“All done!” said Vikki the Vet once she had pulled the piece of walnut out.
“Thank you for helping Andre,” Robert replied.
And then Red River Robert told Vikki the Vet a joke:
“What do you call an alligator that installs sprinkler systems?”
“Beats me,” said Vikki the Vet.
“An irri-gator!” laughed Red River Robert.
“You’re the worst!” groaned Vikki the Vet.