WORLD OCEAN DAY
What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?
Nothing, it just waved!
Why can’t the Maple Leafs drink anything?
Because the Bruins have all the cups!
What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!
WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY
Why did the environmentally friendly company require their workers to start wearing suspenders?
They wanted to eliminate waist!
What do ducks watch on television?
Duck-umentaries!
WORLD BICYCLE DAY
What did the unicycle say to the bicycle that couldn’t stand up by itself?
You look two tired!
NATIONAL ANIMAL RIGHTS DAY
What do you call an animal rights activist that never grows old?
PETA Pan!
WORLD REEF AWARENESS DAY
I do not like circular reefs!
I do not like them atoll!
Someone told me today is June 1st.
But they May be wrong!
Boy George has a doggy door for his pet chameleons.
Apparently, they like to come and go.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
What do you call the rare lizard that can cook?
A chefameleon!
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Virginia
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me
WORLD FISH MIGRATION DAY
Where do fish go on holidays?
Finland!
One of Boy George’s pet lizards keeps biting people.
He should have gotten a calmer chameleon.
WORLD TURTLE DAY
A boy walks into a library and asks for a book on sea turtles.
The librarian asks, “hard back”?
The boy replies, “no, soft shell”.
WORLD BIODIVERSITY DAY
Clones are people two!
What did the the carrot say to his mushroom friend?
You’re a fun guy!
Some people love camouflage clothing.
But I don’t see the appeal!
What do you call a skeleton that just had anesthesia?
A numbskull!
Never spell “part” backwards.
Why?
It’s a trap!
What is a chameleon’s favourite dessert?
Shoo-fly pie!
DRAWING DAY
Why did the pencil go outside?
To draw some inspiration!
NATIONAL NUMERACY DAY
There are three kinds of people.
Those who can count and those that can’t!
What do lizards use to clean their scales?
Rep-tile cleaner!
I have no real opinion on frogs or toads.
I’m amphibalent!
MOTHERS DAY
Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?
I don’t know, why don’t you ask your grandparents!
Why didn’t Superman need a babysitter when he was a toddler?
He always had super vision!
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
What do you call a lizard that rhymes to the beat?
A rap-tile!
HAY! HAY! IT’S WORLD DONKEY DAY
What do you call a three-legged donkey?
Wonkey!
NATIONAL TEACHER DAY
Why did the teacher put her foot in the pool?
She wanted to test the water!
What do you call a lizard that tells jokes?
A stand-up chameleon!
NATIONAL CARTOONISTS DAY
Why do cartoonists make great detectives?
They’re experts in drawing conclusions!
MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU
What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?
I yam your father!
WILD KOALA DAY
Why isn’t a koala a bear?
It doesn’t have the koalafications!
NATIONAL BROTHERS AND SISTERS DAY
What did the girl say when her dad told her that together her two brothers were quite witty?
So, they’re each half-wits!
What do you call a donkey in the Arctic?
Lost!
Why did the farmer become a barber?
He wanted to crop hair!
Why did the barrette get recycled?
Because it couldn’t hold it together any longer.
What kind of car does a bear drive?
A Furrari!
WORLD VETERINARY DAY
A cat walks into a veterinarian’s office.
The vet say, “What seems to be the problem?”
The cat say, “Me-ow!”
The vet says, “Okay, where?”
Which animals keep the best time?
Watchdogs!
INTERNATIONAL PENGUIN DAY
They’re doing a new sequel to the movie “March of the Penguins”.
It’s called “April of the Penguins”!
INTERNATIONAL GUIDE DOG DAY
What was the name of the dog that like to dig holes?
Doug!
UNESCO World Book Day
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red!
EARTH DAY
What is an environmentalist’s favourite type of tea?
Sustainabili–tea!
What do you call it when the groomer gives your pet a small haircut?
A snip–pet!
What is Sam-I-am’s middle name?
“I”
What’s a hairstylist’s favourite fairy tale?
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
INTERNATIONAL HAIKU DAY
You want a poem?
Best I can do is haiku,
take it or leave it.
NATIONAL LIBRARIAN DAY
Why did the librarian win a lifetime achievement award?
She had a storied career!
WORLD ART DAY
Earth without art is just–eh.
NATIONAL DOLPHIN DAY
Why did the dolphin cross the beach?
To get to the other tide!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
Hot!
NATIONAL PET DAY
My dog always insists on going for a ride in my car, so I named him “Rug”.
He’s my car-pet!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
NATIONAL LIBRARY WORKERS DAY
Ad in local paper: “Library Workers Wanted: Please, call number.”
NATIONAL ZOO LOVERS DAY
Did you hear about the animal who was blamed for releasing all of the other animals from the zoo?
He was an escapegoat.
Simon say’s, “man who runs behind car will get exhausted, and man who runs in front of car will get tired.”
I was in the hospital and asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches.
She said, “suture self”.
NATIONAL READ A ROAD MAP DAY
My brother threw his map out the window.
I’m not sure what he was driving at!
Where in the U.S. do they grow Mexican Jumping Beans?
Springfield, Massachusetts!
WORLD AQUATIC ANIMAL DAY
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammal that escaped from the zoo?
It was otter chaos!
INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S BOOK DAY
What did one book say to the other book?
I just wanted to see if we are on the same page:)
APRIL FOOLS’ DAY
My Mom replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios for April Fools’ Day.
I have no words to spell how angry I am!
My friend said: My dad’s brother Robert always injects idioms into his jokes.
So I said: Bob’s your uncle!
NATIONAL PENCIL DAY
What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
Stop going in circles and get to the point!
Why couldn’t the sailors play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!
What did the vet give to the snake with allergies?
Antihisstamine!
Why did the teddy bear pass on dessert?
It was stuffed!
Why shouldn’t you taunt an alligator?
Because it might come back to bite you in the end.
Why should you be kind to dentists?
Because the have fill-ings too.
What did the buffalo say when his son went to school?
Bison!
I finally found my book of maps.
Atlast!
What do you call an alligator that starts fights?
An insta–gator!
WORLD POETRY DAY
My friend entered a poetry related pun contest.
He stanza good chance!
1st DAY OF SPRING
What did the tree say when spring sprung?
“Well, this is a re–leaf!”
INTERNATIONAL READ TO ME DAY
How may books have you read in your lifetime?
I don’t know. I’m not dead yet!
GLOBAL RECYCLING DAY
Why did the journalists start recycling newspapers?
They wanted to make headlines!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet!
What do alligators drink before a race?
Gator-aid!
You know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that you can’t divide by two!
Why is the Red River rich?
It has two banks!
What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What is the loudest pet?
The trumpet!
What do you call an intimidating lawyer?
A lit-i-GATOR!
What do lawyers wear in court?
Lawsuits!
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS DAY
What kind of clock is the hardest to change?
A sundial!
NATIONAL PROOFREADING DAY
Being a proofreader isn’t difficult.
If you know what to except.
NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY
How do you make a pancake smile?
You butter it up!
WORLD BOOK DAY
Why was the library so messy?
Because it was full of litter-ature!
How do you make seven an even number?
You remove the S.
1 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
WORLD WILDLIFE DAY
I enjoy painting wildlife.
But their hair keeps getting stuck in my paint brushes!
DR. SEUSS DAY
Why did Dr. Seuss put a ruler under his pillow?
To see how long he slept!
NATIONAL HORSE PROTECTION DAY
Where’s the best place to raise a horse?
In a stable environment.