World Turtle Day
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slowpoke!
What is a zookeeper’s favourite vegetable?
Zucchini!
NATIONAL EAT MORE FRUIT & VEGETABLES DAY
What do you call beans that have been in the sun too long?
Baked beans!
Where do rabbits go for breakfast?
IHOP.
What is as big as an orangutan but weighs nothing?
Its shadow!
The past, the present, and the future had an argument.
It was tense!
NATIONAL WALNUT DAY
Why was the walnut a great detective?
It always cracked the case!
INTERNATIONAL DRAWING DAY
Two artists had an art contest.
It ended in a draw!
INTERNATIONAL DAY OF FAMILIES
Why did the artist take her family to her art studio?
She wanted to draw her family together!
My friends claim I’m the cheapest person they’ve ever met.
I’m not buying it!
What do you call it when an audiologist gives you a good recommendation?
Sound advice!
INTERNATIONAL NURSES DAY
What do you say to your nurse when she inserts your IV on her first try?
“Good jab!”
MOTHER’S DAY
What are the most appropriate flowers a boy can get for his mom on Mother’s Day?
Son-flowers!
INTERNATIONAL MIGRATORY BIRD DAY
What happens to geese when they collide?
The get goose bumps!
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised!
Why wouldn’t Cleopatra see a psychologist?
She was the Queen of Denial!
Never trust teachers who use graph paper.
They’re always plotting something!
NATIONAL CARTOONISTS DAY
Why do cartoonists make great detectives?
They’re experts in drawing conclusions!
What do Jedi use to view PDF files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi!
WILD KOALA DAY
Why don’t koalas rinse their eucalyptus leaves?
They don’t have koalanders!
NATIONAL BROTHERS AND SISTERS DAY
My parents just said they want another boy and girl.
I said, “Great! I’d love more siblings!”
My parents replied, “that’s not what we meant!”
SCHOOL PRINCIPALS’ DAY
Why did the clock get sent to the principal’s office?
It wouldn’t stop tocking!
What do you call a chicken that haunts a house?
A poultrygeist!
What did the math book tell the pencil?
I have a lot of problems!
Why did the biologist break up with the physicist?
They had no chemistry!
Why are fish so smart?
They travel in schools!
WORLD VETERINARY DAY
Why are there no new people working at the animal doctor’s clinic?
Because, they’re all vets!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny!
Why did the principal jump into the pool?
She wanted to test the water!
WORLD BOOK NIGHT
Why did the book go to the planetarium?
It wanted to have a novel experience!
EARTH DAY
What did the mother worm say to the baby worm who was late?
“Where in the earth have you been?”
Where do killer whales go to get braces?
The orcadontist!
VOLUNTEER RECOGNITION DAY
Why did the volunteer go to the doctor?
He had a case of “helping hand”!
What should you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back!
What did the blackboard with the exam on it say?
“I’m chalk full of questions!”
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
The invention of the knife!
NATIONAL LIBRARIAN DAY
What do librarians hang over their babies’ cribs?
Bookmobiles!
WORLD ART DAY
Why did the glue get detention at art school?
It didn’t adhere to the rules!
I have no real opinion on frogs versus toads.
I’m amphibalent!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you in the corner!
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet!
NATIONAL PET DAY
Why did the girl take her cat to the vet?
It wasn’t feline well!
NATIONAL FARM ANIMAL DAY
What do healthy cows eat for breakfast?
Mooesli!
How did the beekeeper’s wife ask the beekeeper if he was ready to retire or not?
“Too bee, or not to bee, that is my question!”
What type of pencil should I use to draw my William Shakespeare portrait?
2B, or not 2B, that is the question.
Which king liked fractions the most?
Henry the 8th.
What was the proofreader’s blood type?
typo
NATIONAL READ A ROAD MAP DAY
What do you call an alligator with a map?
A navigator!